“Too many cooks in the kitchen” or “Too many hands in the pot”; I never know what the saying is. It’s probably both. Either way I’m finding that I’m the too many.

As you know (if you’ve read earlier posts) I’ve struggled with the process of having a child. Well, I’m happy to say that in two more days I will be 7 months pregnant. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I appreciate all your love and well wishes. 😉

Much of the anxiety of the pregnancy has subsided although anxiety has its way of leaving its residue all over the place. I’m still anxious about making it to 37 weeks and the baby remaining healthy. I’ve tried my best to celebrate her (yes a girl) while parts of me remain cautious about doing the most until she gets here. It’s probably why I haven’t blogged the journey like I intended to.

Anyway, we’re at the baby shower stage and my wonderful aunt/mom has graciously decided to host it. My close friend, KH says she will do a candy bar and provide the cake. Yay! People love me. My first thought was to have the shower at my house to allow for time flexibility and to cut down on expenses. I’ve since been talked out of that. So now it’s at an offsite location and the planners got this right?

Well, I don’t know. So far, I’ve found the place, signed the contract and reserved rooms which is not a problem since my family doesn’t live in this state. I figure I could help out since it is for me. Once I was done with the reservations I said I was stepping out of it. But how do you step out of it when you’ve already been in it? I’m texting KH pictures of candy tables I like, sending her pictures of cakes, reminding her to contact whomever she needs to in order to make sure she has what she needs to create the candy table. Wise of her, she stopped responding to me. I’m probably all over her nerves.

The funny thing is I hate party planning. I’m not the enthusiastic party planner with a trillion ideas. I didn’t even plan my own wedding (my aunt took care of that as well). Why am I nervous that everything will be last-minute and appear to be slapped together? Heck, I was going to have a barbecue at my house. Now I’m concerned that the shower is less than a month away and I’m not certain all the right people have communicated with each other. Why can’t I just stay out of it. I’m not even a big fuss kind of girl. If people come and are happy and enjoying each other’s company, I’m good. Aren’t I? Is that a lie? I can’t be trying to impress anyone. I don’t know how to impress anyone.

My whole life I’ve been told I’m naturally a manager. I think it’s a nice way of saying you have some control issues and are not comfortable unless you’re aware of everyone’s work. Whatever it is, I’m now working my own nerves and I need to stop. My wedding was one of the greatest parties I’ve ever been to and my aunt did that all herself. It’s not that I don’t trust her, I think I don’t truly trust the universe. Seems odd for such a big believer in God, but I’m not here to lie about what’s going on with me. It’s not like god doesn’t know what my problems are.

Maybe having a baby is growing me up some. I know sometimes we need something to irritate the mess out of us before we change it. Well at least that’s been my pattern. I feel like I need to spank my own hands; stop myself from checking on the stew cooking on the stove. I can do the mundane task asked of me because why wouldn’t I give the help required for an event hosted for me? However, all the other stuff is just plain none of my business at this point. I shouldn’t expect anything except to have a good time around people I like being around. For now, I’ll do my best to keep my hands out of the pot and back away from the kitchen.

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