Sometimes it seemingly happens out of nowhere. Other times we usher it in. Either way, when there’s a shift in the spirit it can be the most terrifying and exhilarating feeling, simultaneously. At least for me. That’s how I’m feeling it.
So this time I believe I ushered it in. What do I mean by that? Well, I spoke things into my life. If you’ve listened to the Life As P podcast lately, you know that I’ve been expressing what kind of community I want to live in. I wish to be in a space where everyone eats off of everyone’s plate so to speak. No, I don’t want actual fingers in my food. But spiritual, encouraging, uplifting, chasing dreams, capturing achievements kind of feeding. I want to be that for those around me and I want to be surrounded by that.
Well I go to this conference. It’s already fabulous because it’s in Hawaii. I’ve never been and the weather just welcomes me. High 70’s to mid 80’s. Perfect for me. I get a day or so of taking in the air, watching the sunrise, and just being. Okay so if you’re mind races the way mine does on a regular basis then you know that day or so was a gift all by itself. So much of a gift that to some degree it relaxed my whole personality.
I knew that I was there to listen to speakers and possibly connect with other women. However, the connection part usually gives me a bit of anxiousness. You see, I’ve trained myself to believe I don’t make friends easily and almost never meet anyone who gives a damn about my journey or to help me walk it despite my eagerness to support them. But that’s a lie I concocted after being around a bunch of low self-esteem and unaware folks. The experience insisted that I be over-aware of myself, monitor my flaws, and think of myself as not worth anyone’s time. Well thank goodness I evolved out of that!
But if I’m being honest, I’m not totally out. Those thought patterns are difficult to crack when they become instinct. However, there’s a part of myself that has kind of developed into my parent. So I actually sit myself down and get myself all the way together.
Anyway, I’m at this conference and with the serenity of the scenery, I’m at peace. I’m not looking for anyone to notice me; I’m confident in who I am and what I do; and I’m grateful to be in the atmosphere. So I became a chatterbox. I laugh when I think about it because those who listen to the podcast probably already think that of me. And I am, but I didn’t feel bad about it afterward. I didn’t recount my words and worry about how they were received. the women I met drew me into their stories and I wanted to give to them any love I had to spare. I wanted to see them win, dream new dreams, etch joy into their smiles.
So what did I get for it? Everything I wanted to do for them, they did for me. The sessions and workshops were okay, but it was the women that I met that shifted me. These women celebrated each other and included me. They never doubted who I was or what I could do. They danced when it was done. We hugged each other as lifelong girlfriends. We told each other we loved each other as family does during the holidays. We exchanged the fire needed to fuel our next steps. The best part of it all was that I had my aunt who is the embodiment of all these things, there to share in this shift. particularly because she brought me to the party to get me to step further out of my shell. And there it all was, successful.
So all that I spoke aloud, wanted, craved came to find me. I was able to usher in what I consider an abundance of blessings. What a power to possess. I raised my hand and told the universe I was ready. And so I was. And still I am.