“You’re becoming a woman!”
That’s what my husband told me when I made mention that I had worn more dresses this summer than I have in my entire life. I was so offended. We’ve been married a couple months shy of ten years and now he enlightens me to the fact that in his eyes I wasn’t a woman? Of course he would tell you that’s not how he meant it, but I’m sensitive and can be a bit of a spoiled brat so naturally that’s how I took it. Plus it sounded a bit chauvinistic. He must’ve seen the fire in my eyes because he opened his mouth to explain but then opted to walk away.
After going through (well maybe not after cause I think I’m still going through) some emotional reflections and life planning, I now understand what he meant. It’s not that I wasn’t a woman before, but I was a woman who wasn’t comfortable with herself. In the past I neglected to wear dresses because my thighs rubbed. There was a time I didn’t like to wear sleeveless tops because I didn’t like my arms. Now of course some idiot is out there reading into this as “this girl just needs to take her behind to the gym.” That person might be right but the gym can’t make me love me. It can’t make me be less self conscious about the hairs on my face that need to be plucked. It can’t make me accept my pinky toe that’s too short and too wide to allow me to wear certain shoes comfortably. Even if I was working hard for a slim, fit body the gym couldn’t make me love my transition. That power to make me do that is deep inside of the part of my mind that feeds my heart.
So I’m getting comfortable with me and finally believing I’m beautiful. But it’s not just about my outward appearance. I’m getting comfortable with who I am inside. I don’t doubt the value of my thoughts the way I used to. I’m less concerned with impressing people and more concerned with making an impression on God. I have a husband who knows me better than anyone. So he recognized my insecurities and was pointing out my maturity for overcoming them. So yeah I guess I am actually becoming the me I envision when I think of me as a woman.