Of course I’m super excited that Saddi is two now. I mean she made it a whole two years with me as her mom. That makes her amazing because I’m always failing. Still, she’s joyful, mischievous, and gives the best kisses.

So why am I stressed over celebrating her birthday? Last year it was because I knew that people were going to bring more folks than I invited and I’d have to pay the venue for the additional heads. This year, however, it’s at my house. Nooooo!

I am not a neat freak, never have been, and am not that great with keeping a clean house. Sometimes I feel like there’s a gasp when I admit that. Not because people don’t know, but because I imagine they think I didn’t know and if I do then why the hell don’t I just get up and freaking clean my house.

I don’t know why. It seems overwhelming. Then when I pay someone to do it I feel like, “Damn they didn’t do all that great. I could’ve saved myself a couple hundred bucks and did this myself.” It’s a merry-go-round of punches.

The fact that I’m a paper collector (not on purpose) probably has something to do with it. Mail everywhere. My husband is no better. And he cares less where he leaves items like hats and dirty sneakers. Sometimes they can be found in the middle of the kitchen floor or hats on the counter. I started to rid my desk and dining room table of mail as I may have mentioned before. When you’re tossing stuff from 2011 you realize the seriousness of the problem. The kitchen island needs to be tackled and I’ve only got two days left. But of course now is when I feel compelled to work on my manuscript.

So now that I’ve written it all out, I think I am not stressed about Saddi’s Saadibration at all. I am afraid of having people in my house. So…. no, there’s no conclusion, no answer. I’m just going to have to get through. Pray for me though. Cause I really shouldn’t give a crap about what anyone says or thinks. It’s my damn house.

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