Ever since I was a little girl, my aunt would tell me that I am a genius. I never believed her but it was great to hear. What a wonderful way to instill confidence in a child. I actually didn’t have much confidence in myself, but I knew that she had confidence in me so I carried myself in a way that looked like confidence. I don’t fear failure nearly as much as I fear her not being there.
Anyway, I’m an adult now and I wonder, “What if I actually am a genius? Might be a lazy one, but one nonetheless.” I mean when you’re a genius and you haven’t put it to use, do you still know you’re a genius? I obviously haven’t put mine to use in any kind of grand lights on the stage kind of way, but you know my aunt still believes I have it in me. God bless her.
Still, pondering the question inspires me to take action. As a self-doubting writer, I tend to write without putting the pieces into the universe. I’ve gotten better at it over the years, but I still need work. There’s probably dozens of places I could submit my writings to where they would actually take a second to read it. Someone might even think a bit of it publishable. I wonder if part of me is afraid to find out I’m not a genius. But then I’m thinking, ‘Heck you don’t believe you’re a genius anyway. So finish up and throw it to the world. If you’re going to doubt yourself anyway you might as well get something accomplished in the process.”
So that’s where I’m at today. I’ll write and continue to write but I’ll also submit and open up to be judged by the world. I won’t take it personally good or bad because let’s face it, I need a therapist to help me get rid of the self-doubt. The approval of the world doesn’t cure stuff like that.
Rise or level out (falling currently not an option) I shall move forward and actually give it all a real try. Not the fake try I’ve been guilty of. In the process something (not always sure what) will be achieved. Because hey, what if I’m a genius? I wonder; What if you are too?